'Can i buy a ticket... a card... anything?'
Maryse will remember that when i tried to go and see her in montparnasse, the clerk at the front desk also used the term 'impossible' when forbidding me to go anywhere near the elevator.
The guard dog then launched into a ridiculously lengthy monologue of exactly why it was impossible and began apologizing for any misfortune arising from my being stupid enough to think i could enter without someone's permission (i read in between the lines a bit). He was actually very nice about it considering he could have just told me to fuck off... and he did tell me to fuck off, just in a very eloquent and disarming way. I like that.
So anyway, algiers and i went out for dinner and then coffee and then drinks. I think i feel threatened by him in some way... he's younger than i am, and this is the first time i've ever been with someone younger. He's young, but not incompetent or too idealistic as far as i can tell, and at this point i really can't tell... but i like his languages, i like how he expresses himself, i like his perspective on himself and even me and i like that he's a person of many perspectives, none of them conventional or predictable.
I'm going to the beach in an hour to breathe, think things over. Do i belong in Phnom Penh? Do i belong in Cambodia at all? I'll sit on the beach, think about it for a couple of days and arrive at nothing... i'll be in Saigon in a week and that's where pieces will start falling. That's where decisions will be made with either a cloudy mind or a clear one... but right now things are getting cloudier by the minute.